The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

Women are the worst. Really! We are! Women are sarcastic and downright mean just for the fun of it! And most of the time, we do it to each other! How weird is that?! When we could be supportive, kind, and all that sugar and spice junk, we choose to tear each other down. One of the places that I have noticed this is between married women, and single women.

                There seems to be this great divide between a woman that is married, verses a woman who is single. I have noticed, especially in women who get married in their 20s, there is an attitude of ‘betterness’. As if a woman who is not married is ‘less than’ a woman who is married. I have seen this especially within the church, which is the last place it should be present! ‘Christian’ women go out of their way to belittle single women, as though they are to be pitied or to be looked down on, simply because we (singles) lack a piece of jewelry on our left ring finger. If I start wearing a ring on my finger, will I be treated better? There was a woman I used to go to church with who created a ‘how to be a good single Christian’ kit for me. It was the most embarrassing thing I have ever received. And all because she was married in her 20s, and I remain single in my 30s.

                And how DARE I bring up the subject of sex? When I bring up sex to a married woman, she blushes and tells me I’m not allowed to talk about ‘that’. Do you know what that does to me? Nothing good. Christian women act as though sex is some big secret that has to be kept from singles. But they also use it as a reason that they are better than singles. Sex was created by God, not Christian women. And my understanding is that He created it as the unity between husband and wife. He did not create it for a bunch of self-righteous women to use against other women. So please, Christian married women, get over yourselves! You are NOT that special!

Non-Christian women are the exact opposite! Flirt! Express yourself! Actually, the most common thing I am told by non-Christian women is ‘sex is an important part of a relationship and it’s important to make sure you’re compatible!’ Well, if you WAIT, and only have sex with ONE PERSON, then I think compatibility will happen. It may take time, but isn’t that part of the fun?

I am one of those people that has to learn the hard way…because I’m 12, and we’re talking about sex, I think that’s funny! So, because I live in this weird limbo with Christian women on one side of me being self-righteous, and non-Christian women on the other side of me saying I need to be ‘compatible’, my brain gets all kinds of frustrated. So, while I have not actually had sex, I have…played with the line…we’ll just leave that there and not discuss the gruesome details because 1) they are gross, and 2) they are none of your business! But there was a boy, and the boy was cute, and I was mad at the world, and so… But I have no regrets about the choices that I have made in my life. If anything, choosing to learn the hard way (hehehe) has helped me to understand why God created sex for marriage in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’m not suggesting that EVERYONE choose to learn the hard way (hehehe…ok, now I’m just doing it on purpose), but what I am saying is that there needs to be a different approach from churches towards singles so that more of us don’t choose the har…difficult…way…

                Churches honestly seem to be at a loss as to what to do with singles, as though we are aliens or a strange breed of animal. Would you like to know what to do with us? Love us! That’s it. Simple as that. Understand that we are just trying to live our lives the best we can, and the last thing we want to focus on is our lack of marital status. Check on us. Make sure we are not spending holidays alone, although I don’t actually mind being alone. But I’m weird. Include us in your conversations and don’t ignore us because we ‘couldn’t possibly understand your life’. To a certain extent, you may be right. There are responsibilities that you have that I do not. But! At the end of the day, I have life experience and responsibilities that you don’t understand because you were never single in your 30s. Do you know who does my dishes? Me. Do you know who does my budget? Me…well, no one really…but if I had a budget, it would be me! Do you know who I bounce ideas off of? Me. Do you know who listens to me cry at the end of the day? My neighbors through the weed-smelling walls. Although they are high, so they probably do not comprehend much. The point is that, while I may not understand all of the aspects of a married’s life, a married does not understand all of the aspects of mine either.

                I will give props where props are deserved. There are a lot of GOOD churches out there, and there are a lot of GOOD Christian women who have better things to do than belittle my way of life. I wish there were more of these in the world. I wish marriage and kids weren’t such a priority. You want to make a change in the world? Change that one! I love my mom’s age group of women. When I look at my parents who have been married for 35 years, they make it seem so easy and natural. I know that isn’t the truth. I know marriage is work…a LOT of work! And I have seen couples work through the hard and come out stronger! These are the marriages that I admire. I admire the Christian women (and men) who do the work, and they do it with quiet dignity. They live their lives, just like I am trying to live mine. And, as a single, that’s all I can ask for from a married. It isn’t that hard… (last one, I promise!)