The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

I took a few days off from movies and have been contemplating Birthday Month in general. I have realized several things. The first thing I thought about was why. Why did I start Birthday Month, and why have I continued it? Do those reasons still hold? If not, then what now? The second thing I thought about was movies. Do I want to write about film? Do I even want to write every single day? Clearly not, since I took two days off without batting an eyelash. 

I’ll address the movies first because that is less deep. I realized I made a mistake. I gave myself a writing assignment when I decided on a theme. I hate writing assignments. I hate being told what to write. I want to write what I want to write, when and how I want to write it. So, my mood is my fault. I think it is my fault every year. Every year, I hype myself up to write every day, and I’m so excited! Then I start writing, and about a week in, I burn out because I don’t want to write every day. Forcing it takes all of the fun out of it. So, no more themes. No more Birthday Month of Writing and Posting. If I want to write, I will. 

I thought back to 2014 when I started this whole Birthday Month thing. That was a hard year. A close friend was dying from cancer. I was in school and working full time. I was also volunteering at a church plant, which was a full-time job. And I was living alone for the first time in my life. Things felt very outside of my control. So, when my birthday started approaching, I decided to do something about it. I planned a trip for myself. I took a road trip to Maine. I had always wanted to go, probably because of some book or movie. I think it was ‘Jacob Have I Loved’ by Katherine Paterson. It is about two twin sisters growing up on Chesapeake Bay during WWII. I’m not sure why I always thought they were in Maine, but I did. I had this dream of living in a lighthouse with a golden retriever. I would dig clams every morning and watch for ships at night. It still feels like a nice dream to me, although I don’t think ANY of that is in the book. So, who knows? Anyway! I digress, as usual. I went to Maine, and it was the most beautiful place on earth. I’ve never felt so close to God as when I was sitting on that beach. That trip started something in me. It gave me this idea of doing things for myself. Hence, Birthday Month. A month dedicated to taking care of myself and doing what I loved to do, whatever that looked like.

That is what it was ALWAYS supposed to be about. Self-care. Self-reflection. Self-growth. This was always supposed to be selfish because it is my month. I’m not interested in how illogical that is. I don’t want to hear about your birthdays, weddings, or grad parties, especially weddings. I do not care. This is my month. I will do what I want to do. Talk to me in June. Unless it is a wedding. Then don’t bother. I can promise I won’t be there, no matter what month it is.   

I think the first year, I was just posting random things that happened throughout my day. It was this idea of finding joy in the little things. I have a vague memory of a Facebook post about M&M’s. It was cute then. Now, it feels needy. Social media has taken Birthday Month to a place I didn’t want to be. I like anonymity. I’m enjoying privacy. It’s why I like blogging, because most of my readers have no idea who I am! They wouldn’t know me if I passed them on the street. I like that. I don’t get hate comments or any comments. I have this thought every year that I’m finally going to do something with my writing, but it never goes anywhere. Because I hate writing assignments, as previously stated. I like the freedom of walking away from my blog, and then coming back to it when the mood hits. Writing has such a vibe! Sorry, that was a little too hippie. But it is true! This is my safe space! This is where I brain dump. I can be as vulnerable as I need to be. It’s great. 

So, I think that is what we’re gonna go back to. No more themes, no more Birthday Month posts. Just me, celebrating quietly in my own way. You might get a post, you might not. If anything, this should encourage you to do your own Birthday thing. My husband did it for the first time this year, and I think he found it a little overwhelming. Then I put him in charge of mine in the middle of moving. I think this is the most annoyed he’s been with me in 3 ½ years of marriage.