The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

Ok! While my dog is distracted for a second, let’s see if I can do part two! 

So, Jerrad and I are looking for a church. But what are we looking for? What will make us stay, vs run for the hills? Since leaving our church, we have visited several, and I think we are in between two right now. So, what is it about these two that draws us?

One of the first ones that we visited was a church plant that hasn’t actually opened yet. While it was a nice size, there were several BIG red flags for me. The biggest was the blatant sexism. The men basically ignored me, and only talked to Jerrad. It was one of those churches where the women are seen, not heard, and I don’t do that well. The other issue is that there were people there that had known Jerrad for a very long time. I couldn’t put my finger on WHY this was a red flag for me at the time, but it was a problem for me. Also, we want to go to a church plant, but not a pre-church plant. At least, not right now.

The second church we visited was also a church plant, but it is MUCH more established. This church felt very familiar to me. They did a lot of things that I have seen other church plants do. It was like stepping back to 2012 with my first church plant. It was very comfortable. But is comfortable what we are called to? And, once again, there were people there that Jerrad has known for a while. Again, there was this feeling in me that I didn’t want to go to a church where Jerrad was known, but I wasn’t. But why? Still couldn’t put my finger on it. But we liked this church, and went several times. We thought, ‘Maybe. Maybe this is the one.’ But I still had doubts, and still wanted to try some other places.

We went to one that is in the ‘bad’ part of Oklahoma City. The side that good girls don’t walk at night alone. It is the perfect place for a church. There are still people there that Jerrad knows, but not as intimately as the other two. I love this church! I love the pastor, the music, and the mission! We haven’t decided yet, but…we’ll see. In my mind, it has the most qualities that we are looking for. We came from a larger church, and would like something smaller. Even though there was a lot of drama, I do miss some aspects of church plant life, and it has those. It is truly a church for people who need Christ, and those that are there are truly seeking a relationship with him. In the Bible Belt, church is a way of life. Following Christ is an option. But, at this church, both things meet well. The messages are deep, but the sermon also includes the basics, which is what you want in that environment. It is an opportunity for people from all backgrounds to get fed. There is TRUE diversity, because diversity is not skin deep. 

But I still wanted to know why I had such an issue with Jerrad knowing people. My husband is an extrovert, and I love that for him. I want him to have the social interactions that he needs, even if I do not need them. He has friends almost everywhere we go. And if he doesn’t have a friend, he will by the time we leave. He is very self assured, and very confident. It is a very attractive quality. It also assures that, when I tell him to ‘Go away’ he has a place to go to! Everyone wins! But I digress. The answer came to me while Jerrad and I were listening to Confessions of a Crappy Christian Podcast this past week. Blake, the host, was talking about her and her family’s experience leaving a church, and finding a new one. I cannot remember what it was that she said that made the answer come to me, but it did! I do not want to go to a church where either of us are known, because when we have done this in the past, there is a spirit of condescension from the women of the church. There seems to be this attitude, and it is BLATANTLY obvious, that because these women have known Jerrad longer than I have (and knew his mother), that they know what is best for him, and therefore can tell me what kind of wife/woman I should be. The thing is, five years ago, I would have accepted their condescension. But not now. Not when I have worked so hard for the life that I have. 

I am not at all saying that I am the perfect wife/woman. I can absolutely admit when I am in the wrong, and I ask for advice when I need it. What I will not accept is a busybody who thinks it is her job to control others. This description seems to fit a lot of southern women. Maybe it is the heat! I don’t know what it is, but I’m not for it. And when their ‘advice’ (attempts to control) are rejected, these women play the victim. ‘Annie is so hateful.’ ‘I just wanted to help! I just want what is best for your marriage!’ Nope. You’re nosy, and you need a hobby. 

So, where does that leave us? We’re continuing to pray and talk, talk and pray. I would love for us to eventually home church. I know, I know. How could an introvert possibly want to home church? If you have the right community, it can be a beautiful, peaceful thing. If you have the right community, God will make it OK. And that is what we are truly seeking. What does God have that will be OK for us?