Hello All! In case you haven’t heard…I’M A MARRIED LADY!!! I got married on September 18th, 2021. It’s been just over a week, and it’s been…interesting! Marriage definitely does not suck. I would recommend it. However, I would also recommend staying single. That’s right! I STILL do not believe one way of life is better than the other. And I think there are A LOT of things about married life that single people are not told. So…I’mma tell you!!
The first thing I would tell you is just about weddings in general. Do not listen to ANYONE but your spouse when it comes to making decisions about your wedding. Do not listen to parents, friends, friends who think they are family, or random strangers on the street. Your wedding is your day, and no one else matters. As the Dread Pirate Roberts says ‘Anyone who says differently is selling something’ (Princess Bride, 1987). Don’t get me wrong. A very few people will be well intentioned and genuinely want to help. But most are just opinionated and nosey. It’s your day. Do what you want, and everyone else will get over it.
Secondly, living together is HARD! I’ve lived with this weirdo for nine days, and it’s just weird. He snores, burps, and farts all day and all night. He never goes away…and neither do I! We’re always here! Together! And I know that is the general idea, but you don’t really realize what it means to live in close quarters with someone until it actually happens! One of the hardest things for me has been moving into a space that he had already occupied for well over a year. He already has his ways established. He already has certain things the way he likes them. Also, the house was previously his mom’s. He has memories of her here, and it is hard to not feel like I am stepping on those as I try to make changes in order to create our home. Fortunately, I have a very kind and patient husband, who encourages me to make changes. He is quick to notice, and compliment, when I do something. It is still a difficult process, but also exciting to see our home coming together!
Thirdly, fighting. You are GOING to fight! Come to terms with it because it is going to happen! Be okay with it. Fighting means that you are learning and growing. It means you are not accepting where you are at, and you see the potential to be better. Learn to fight well. Learn when to speak, and when to walk away. Trust me, it’s okay to walk away and take a breath. Figure out which hills you’re willing to die on…the way he hangs his shirts isn’t one of them. Sigh heavily and loudly, and move on.
And, finally, sex. Let’s talk about sex! No, I’m not going to tell you who sucked what, where…although, I can definitely say it was done well…But there are parts of sex that I think SHOULD be talked about! Your wedding night will not be a magical fairytale. Nor will you sing like the Bride of Frankenstein. Honestly, you might not even consummate on your wedding night. And that is okay! Sex is part of the adventure! It’s fun, it’s weird, and kind of gross. But it’s also complicated. Just like every couple is different, every person is also different. We have different drives, wants, and rhythms. And all of that is okay! Sex is nothing like the movies, not even the Christian ones. And there is no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It’s completely between you and your partner.
The last thing that I will say is that marriage and sex DO NOT make you better than someone who is not married or not having sex. I am the same person that I was ten days ago when I wasn’t married. I just happen to now have an attachment that is apparently permanent. That is it. I still go to work, read books, and drink coffee. I still write what I think people should know about life, except now my life includes a 6ft tall, flat footed weirdo and his cat who wants to murder me. So now I’ll be writing about the two of them…until she succeeds and eats me.
The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie 
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