The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

Jerrad and his friend Josh started a podcast entitled ‘Krafty as a Junkyard’. On it, they discuss the Bible, politics, sports, and pretty much anything that comes to their minds. This past episode, they invited me to participate. I was nervous to accept the invitation because, as an introvert, my on-the-spot skills can be hit and miss. But Jerrad was excited, and so I agreed. The topic of the show was biblical relationships. And folks, I struggled.

                The irony of the topic is that I had JUST finished my latest blog post, which was about singleness! I tried very hard to keep my composure and to not just completely fly off the handle with my opinions, but it was difficult. So I am now going to go through Josh’s questions again on here, and not hold back.

                The first question had to do with defining what a biblical relationship looks like, which brought up the topic of submission. This word, and the set of verses Jerrad mentions in Ephesians, get a bad reputation. But there are several things about these verses that HAVE to be considered when reading them. Firstly, the context. Paul is writing a letter to a church. He is advising them on a specific situation that has come up for them, and is trying to help by pointing them back to Christ. While there is a lot of speculation on Paul’s real views of women, in this particular situation, he is JUST as hard on the men! The men are to lay down their lives for their wives, as Christ laid his down for the church. The man is to love his wife, as Christ loved the church. Honestly, is it really SO bad to submit to someone who is called to die for you? I don’t think so. And thirdly, the word submit means to ‘come under the will of another’. To ‘come under’ means to support. Our job as women is to support our husbands. Not because we have to, but because we love them. I have no problem saying that I do come under the will of Jerrad because I want him to be successful in all that he does. I want him to feel good about himself as a human, as a man, and as a boyfriend. My job is to encourage him, and to trust him. That does NOT mean that I sit silently in a corner, waiting for my opinion to be asked. It means I recognize that the call put on him from Christ is a difficult one, and I support him in it.

                The second question addressed the issue of equality in a relationship. Are Jerrad and I equals? I find this a difficult question to answer, but my initial reaction is ‘No. We’re not.’ He is the head, the leader, of our relationship and I support him in that role. But there is a part of me that would say ‘Yes, we are equal!’ While our roles are not equal, our respect for each other in our separate roles IS equal. I respect him as a man and as my boyfriend, and vice versa. So, it is a hard question to say yes or no to because there are different ways to approach it. We are equal as humans, sure. As a woman, I’m not his servant or his employee. But it again goes back to the roles that Christ has called us to, and mine is to support him! His role is much harder than mine. His calling is much more difficult than mine. So, in that way, no. We are not equals. And I am not mad about that. A relationship is not something that you can put on a balance scale and expect it to come out perfectly balanced at all times. We are two different people with very different needs. Right now, we are imbalanced because I’m working through my injury. So, he has chosen to step up his game to make our relationship work. On the other side of the coin, because I’m injured and can’t do some things as well as I would like to, I have had to find ways to compensate for what I currently cannot do. So, no. We are not equal.

                The third question was, ‘What is difficult in a biblical relationship?’ In the podcast, I said communication and choosing to be selfless when I want to be selfish. From a biblical perspective, I knew when Jerrad and I started talking that if I agreed to this relationship, it would be a biblical one. And I knew that it would require me to be more vulnerable, more submissive, and more communicative than I’d ever been in my life. I had two months to think about how I felt about this, and if it was something I was willing to commit to. In the end, I decided that I was. But it is not easy! I do not want anyone to think Christian girls wake up every day and think ‘I want to be perfect and submissive for my significant other today!’ No. It doesn’t happen. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. I don’t like telling Jerrad when I’m upset. I don’t like being vulnerable with him. I do not like showing him my baggage. It isn’t fun! But I do it because I know it is the only way this will work, and I want this to work. I put in the work, so that we will work. And he does the same. Is it always perfect? No! But we never stop trying.

                Lastly, we were asked to give relationship advice. I didn’t, and still don’t, feel like I am capable of giving relationship advice. I would never presume to be so arrogant as to try to tell someone how to conduct their relationship. I am MUCH better at talking about singleness, than relationships. Please see ‘The Oks of Singleness’ and ‘The Oks of Singleness-Pt. 2’ for my full views on that. What I would say to people in relationships is…Never take the other person for granted. Be prepared, and be willing, to do the work. Let yourself breathe around the other person. If you can’t be yourself, then it isn’t worth it. Women! Never say you’re fine, when you aren’t. This is a hard one for me because I will agree to things, or say I’m fine with things when I’m not. So, then, when Jerrad goes and does the exact thing that I said I was fine with, I get mad because he didn’t read in between the lines to see that I wasn’t fine! But I said I was fine because I thought it would make him happy, when really, he would have been happier if I’d just told him my opinion. Relationships are hard. Don’t make it harder than it already is. Have fun! Be silly together! Be VERY careful who you discuss your relationship with. Not everyone needs to know your business. And NEVER put yourself on a pedestal over a single person. You are DIFFERENT. Not better. Sucking face with a guy does not give you the right to put someone down. So, suck face, and mind ya business. And you’ll be ok.

                In the last part of the podcast, I was allowed to say what I wanted to say. But I still had to be nice. However, this is MY platform! So…desperation is NOT an attractive quality. If you are so obsessed with an ex that you cannot get through an hour without talking about them, you need to get some self-respect. Because neither your ex, nor any other woman, is going to want to touch you with a 9 1/2ft pole. And if you don’t understand this paragraph, that’s okay. It means it isn’t meant for you.

                So, that is it! I really enjoyed being part of ‘Krafty as a Junkyard’ for a night. I would definitely do it again. It is hard to stick to an hour long time slot because it is so easy to get off on tangents. But it was a new experience, and now I can say that I’ve been on a podcast! I feel like that is a good one to be able to get off of my bucket list.