If you’ve been around for the last year, you know that I have been single for most of it. And that I have VERY strong opinions about singleness. Please see the original ‘The Oks of Singleness’ post for a full understanding of my views. But! Now that I’m in a relationship, and it is starting to turn serious, I wanted to address this issue again. Nothing about my views has changed. I think some of my more self-righteous readers were hoping differently. ‘Oh, she’s not in a relationship. She doesn’t understand.’ Grow up, Erin. You’re an idiot.
I’ve been in a relationship for almost five months, and here’s what I’ve learned…your season of singleness goes by fast, so use it to your advantage. Take that nap! Eat those snacks while you don’t have to share them! See the world! Move cities! Don’t let your life pass by, while you’re ‘waiting’ for that person! You are a whole, fully capable person! Live like it! And only you can decide what that looks like.
Be VERY picky about who you allow to speak into your singleness. Churches will say this is your time to go above and beyond in serving because ‘you have nothing better to do.’ But that’s not true! Serving at church is great, but it is not your responsibility to fill in all of the gaps. Do what God has called you to do, and then say ‘No’ to everything else. You also don’t have to be everyone’s babysitter. Nor do you have to sign up for ALL of the dating apps. I knew a dating app was not how I wanted to meet someone. While I know it has worked for some, it wasn’t for me. Find what works for you.
You really will know when it’s right. I know that’s cheesy and obnoxious. But it is also true. I knew Jerrad was who I wanted to be with very early on. It wasn’t magic, or some list that I created in youth group when I was 12-years-old. It was a very logical thing. He made sense for the life that I currently have, and the life that I am working towards. So, build a life for yourself, know what you’re working towards, and leave room for God to do something unexpected.
Be picky about the Christian dating books you read. While they might be well intentioned, they can be unhealthy in that they set a standard or expectation, and that can be very discouraging. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ single life. There is no ‘to do’ list, and there is no such thing as ‘ready’ to meet someone. Work on becoming the person God has called you to be. Don’t put pressure on yourself to measure up to some invisible standard. God can bring you someone, no matter where you are in life. So, don’t worry about it. And walk away from anyone who tells you you’re not ready. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
Don’t feel like you HAVE to get married at all. It isn’t a requirement. Some of my best friends are single women who are living AMAZING lives! One is a missionary, and the other is a 4th grade teacher in Northern Ohio. Both of these women live the single life better than anyone I’ve ever known. When I moved to Oklahoma, I was angry because I felt like I had worked so hard to make all of the ‘right’ decisions. I did all of the things that I thought I was ‘supposed’ to do. It wasn’t until I started making the ‘wrong’ decisions that things started getting better for me. Right before I met Jerrad, I was convinced that I didn’t want to meet someone. I was better off doing what I wanted, living my couch potato life alone. But I left a gap on the couch just barely big enough for God to squeeze Jerrad in, and it’s working out pretty ok!
So, don’t stress. Don’t think you have to have the perfect body, perfect job, or perfect adulted situation for God to do something. Don’t look for magic, look for logic. Be happy. Be ok. Because you are! You are very ok!
The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie 
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