The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

                One year! I did it! I made it! I’ve been in Oklahoma for ONE! WHOLE! YEAR!! There were so many times when I wanted to quit, when it was too hard, and I really and truly didn’t think I would make it. But God has been faithful. In every moment when I wanted to quit, God has whispered to me, ‘I brought you this far. Do you really think I’m going to fail you now?’ And He hasn’t. Even in my darkest, most broken (literally broken) moments, God hasn’t failed me.

                God didn’t fail me when I moved to a place I’d never lived, to work a job I was physically incapable of working. He didn’t fail me in those moments at Amazon when every fiber of my being was in pain, and I couldn’t stand anymore. He didn’t fail me in those moments of loneliness before I was able to make friends. He didn’t fail me when I was trying to find my way around a new city. He kept me safe when I unknowingly moved to ‘The Hood’ of OKC. He gave me physical strength, he gave me friends, and he always brought me back to my bed.

                God didn’t fail me when I quit my job at Amazon, and prayed for a teaching job. He didn’t fail me when Oklahoma City Public Schools decided they were going all virtual. He didn’t fail me when I ended up subbing 35 minutes away in Edmond, Oklahoma. He didn’t fail me when I ended up working nights again at the Edmond Public Library. He gave me financial security for that season. He turned subbing into a full time position. He used the library to keep me active, because I have a couch potato personality.

                God didn’t fail me when the other TA in my classroom quit as soon as I was hired. He didn’t fail me when my lead teacher had to take significant time off to care for her dying husband. He didn’t fail me when I had to take over a classroom with no training, and no help, for two months. He gave me the strength to care for my students. He gave me the mental capacity to organize the most incompetent group of subs I’ve ever met. And he found a way to give me rest.

                At the time when I broke my knee, I was running on empty. I had nothing left to give to anyone for any reason. After I fell, I was angry. I was angry at God for allowing this to happen. I was angry that my independence was ripped from me. I was angry that everything I had worked for was now for nothing. I was angry that my developing relationship had to take a weird detour. I was so angry with God, and I had no problem letting him know it. And he was okay with it. I’ve heard people say ‘Oh, you shouldn’t be angry at God!’ or ‘You need to have a better attitude about your situation!’ Yeah, no. I’m good. If God isn’t correcting me, neither should you be. But even in the middle of my brokenness and my anger, God didn’t fail me! Similar to Elijah in the cave, God said ‘It’s ok. Take a nap, eat some of your mom’s homemade food, and I’ll be here when you’re ready.’ God didn’t fail me! He gave me my mother to depend on! He allowed my new relationship to grow into something healthy and strong! And while I still have moments of feeling like everything I’d worked for was for nothing, I know God didn’t fail me.

                So, while the last year has been full of trials and frustrations, God has been there for it all. One of my favorite quotes from the ORIGINAL Alice in Wonderland is ‘Don’t just do something, stand there!’ –White Rabbit (‘Alice in Wonderland’ 1951). Any time I pray over a situation, I pray that to God. I ask him to not just do something. Of course, he’s going to do something! But I want MORE than that! I want him to be physically in the middle of it! I want to feel his presence! I want to feel him next to me, because when I feel his presence, I know I won’t fail! I know I will be ok!