The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

I can’t sleep for what feels like the millionth night in a row. It’s really only the fifth, but whatever. Clearly, it’s time to get some writing done.

                So, my most recent adventure has found me incapacitated. Literally. My mobility has been temporarily ceased. I was brought down by my old nemesis…ICE! Cold and winter! The very thing that I left Ohio to get away from! It has managed to follow me to Oklahoma, and make things very NOT OK! My school has these breaks in the sidewalks with orange bubbles inserted into it. I don’t know how else to explain it. It looks similar to what you would find at a crosswalk, but it’s built into our sidewalk. I stepped off the sidewalk onto the orange part, slipped on the ice, rolled my right ankle, and came down on my left knee. I knew instantaneously that my knee was broken. There was no doubt in my mind. I could hear it, and feel it. I rolled onto my left side and started screaming in pain. A woman came over and asked if I was okay. I immediately told her that my knee was broken. She was able to flag someone down who wanted to move me inside the school, but there was no way that was happening. It was too slippery, and I am too heavy. So, I lay on the cold, wet ground. People came and went. I’m told there was a huge crowd of people around me. Someone called my boyfriend to let him know what was happening. At some point, the fire department came, and then the ambulance showed up. They tried to tell me it was just dislocated. They gave me pain medicine, which did NOTHING, and then loaded me up. My first ever ambulance ride was underway!

                It took about twenty five minutes to get to the hospital. I kept asking the guy riding with me questions, just to keep myself distracted. They gave me more pain medicine, and it still did NOTHING! When we got to the hospital, they took me back right away. The firefighters had cut up my favorite pair of jeans, so the hospital cut them the rest of the way off. RIP, favorite piece of clothing! The ER took x-rays, and confirmed that my knee was broken. Point for Ravenclaw, I was right! The patella is broken in half, and the bottom piece is shattered. Fortunately, my ankle was just a bad sprain. The doctors were OBSESSED with my feet! They were so sure I’d damaged them. No, doctors. I just have a weird birth defect. Leave my feet alone, and fix my knee! They finally straightened my knee…halfway through, I asked if they could just amputate the whole thing. I was the only one who thought that was funny. Then, I had a crash (not literally) course in crutches. I finally got to go home. My angel in shining armor who found me on the sidewalk took me to the pharmacy and then home. Did I mention I’d never met this woman before this moment in time? Yeah, she’s a saint.

                I went to see the surgeon on Thursday. They are going to do surgery. They will try to repair the bottom half, and then try to reattach the two pieces together. There is a chance the bottom half isn’t repairable. There is a chance the two pieces won’t hold together. I will be in a brace and will not be able to bear weight. I will not be able to bend my leg for a month. It will probably be mid-March/beginning of April before I can return to work. Even then, there will be restrictions.

                Since this all happened, I’ve been lying around the house. I have figured out how to maneuver around the apartment on my butt. I have a permanent rug burn, so that’s attractive. And I’m going to have arms like Hulk from pulling myself up, down, and around the apartment. I haven’t showered, washed my hair, or put on clean clothes since Monday morning. I now understand why my mother made me change my underwear everyday as a child. My phone has gone off non-stop since Monday. I’ve never felt so popular in all my life. From the moment this happened, I have tried to keep a good attitude. I’ve joked about my injury, assured people that I’m okay, and done everything I can to hold my emotions at bay to keep from appearing weak and broken. But, after my doctor’s visit the other day, I couldn’t do it anymore. The brokenness of my knee hit me, and I spent most of Thursday and Friday in tears. My life is never going to be the same. I’m going to have an ugly scar, and my chances of arthritis are significantly increased. My independence, which is the most valuable thing in my life, is gone. I am truly broken. Annie is no longer OK.

                Do you want to know the worst part though? This whole week, the only thing I’ve heard inside my head is ‘I told you so’ from everyone who doubted me. Throughout the past 8 ½ months, I have worked VERY hard to overcome insecurities, and to become a person I REALLY like! She is fierce, and is no longer a doormat for people to walk all over. But, now? I don’t feel like her anymore. I feel overwhelmed, and scared. I feel like everything I’ve worked for has been for nothing. For the first time, I have had the thought ‘If I’d stayed in Ohio, this wouldn’t have happened’. And that hurt. It hurt more than my knee. My OKness is broken, and I’m not sure there is a surgery to put it back together.