The OK Adventures of Peppersloth and Annie

‘Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie?’ (‘Smooth Criminal’, Michael Jackson, 1987)

                People have been using this song to mock me for most of my adult life. But now, I find it is a very relevant question. Am I ok?

                The year of 2019 was the year God started closing doors in my life. I don’t know about you, but when God closes doors in my life, He slams them shut; triple locks them, and swallows the keys. There is no going back, only forward. The first door that He shut was my job. It was a job that I loved, and that I was good at! I honestly could have done it for a long time! But, due to ‘interpersonal issues’ I was forced to make a choice. And, in March of last year, I quit my job of 4 ½ years with no backup plan. Not a very ‘ok’ thing to do.

                The second door that God shut was the church that I had been attending. I found this church in March of 2017, and it was a lifesaver at the time. A second church had just closed on me. If you’ve never experienced a church closure, it is one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through. It’s like losing part of yourself. So when I found a church plant that appeared to be thriving, I was so excited! The people were great, the worship was great, and it really seemed like they had it as close as together as a small church plant can. I really thought I would be there for a long time. And then, it all started to come unraveled. And in June of 2019, I left that church.

                At this point, I really didn’t think things could get much worse. I was wrong. People are not really my forte. That is why I like jobs where interaction is minimal. But, when I find people I click with, I latch onto them as tightly as I can, and refuse to let go! I had a group of friends that were ‘supposed to be’ life people. The kind of people that, even if you’re an introvert, you never get tired of being around them. I thought these people would be in my life for forever. God had other plans. Two of them made a decision that I could not accept without boundaries, and the two of them could not accept my boundaries. So, in August of 2019, I walked away from two of the best friendships I’ve ever had.

                At this point, I was beyond broken. So broken, I barely remember September and October. I was numb. I was physically present, but emotionally and mentally checked out. I was desperate. And then God started opening doors. I started going to a new church that truly knows how to love broken people. I started looking at going back to school to become a teacher. And then God opened a door I truly was not expecting. Oklahoma. The state of OK. I told my cousin that I was looking into becoming a teacher, and she said it was easy in Oklahoma. Normally, I do not like easy. But something about the conversation stuck with me. I started looking into it. Sure enough, there was an alternative certification program for teaching! I applied, and was accepted! I spent from January, until May, taking tests and applying for teaching jobs. And then COVID-19 happened. It put our world into a tailspin. And all of the teaching jobs that had been available were now gone. Challenge accepted! Amazon hires everyone!

                I found an apartment. I had a start date at Amazon. And in June of 2020, I moved to Oklahoma! Annie is now LITERALLY OK! But am I really? Honestly, this move was hard. I got sick right before I was supposed to leave. Saying bye to everyone was really hard, especially my family and church. When I got here, there was no one to help me, so most of my stuff is still in my car. And I didn’t bring any furniture, so I am sleeping on an air mattress for the time being. As to the job, it is hard. It is backbreaking work. No, scratch that. It is body breaking work. 12 hour shifts are no joke. Everything hurts, and staying hydrated is a joke. Last night, instead of going to the break room, I just lay down on the floor at my station. I come home and fall into bed, unable to move. Muscles that I didn’t know I had hurt. It is the hardest job I have ever taken on. But the people are all so nice. They are encouraging, and supportive. Every day I hear, ‘This WILL get better!’

                So, here I am, miles from everything I have ever known. I’m away from my home, family, and friends. I am working a job that I am physically under qualified to do. And so, the question remains…is Annie ok? I’m not sure…but don’t stop asking.